Vulnerable Iranian refugees face mounting pressure in Turkey

But one woman's bumpy road to reclaiming her life through divorce shows how deep-set patriarchy and Islamic rule stack the odds against Iranian ex-wives.

Take my friend Narges. She’s 41 and just-divorced. She thought she had married a feminist man, Amir, and he was in many ways. Until he wasn’t.

“We had it good, more or less, until I was promoted and earned more than him,” Narges says. “He started mocking my work, often accusing me of putting my job first and not our son. ‘You’re too self-centered to be a good mom,’ he once told me.”

It was as if Amir was constantly anxious about how others viewed him, Narges says. “It was as if he felt inadequate—which was not my view at all.”

Some studies suggest that men who earn less than their wives for extended periods are more likely to suffer from higher rates of health problems like anxiety, chronic stress, diabetes or even heart disease.

Patriarchal prejudice compels men to be the (primary) breadwinner. Failure to do so could lead to a crisis of identity—more so in male-dominated societies like Iran.

Iran’s traditions and Islamic laws put the man firmly in charge of his wife. A married woman cannot work or travel without her husband’s permission and can certainly not initiate divorce.

Narges could only because her ex granted her that right when the marriage was registered.

“It is a rare privilege to have in Iran,” she says. “The fact that I was financially independent helped, of course. And Amir, to be fair to him, had no issues with me having it. But all hell broke loose when I tried to use it.”

Amir was a vocal proponent of women’s rights. He still is. That was one reason Narges liked him. After they married, he’d do housework as much as his wife, if not more. When they had their son, he was as hands-on as dads come. Narges had hit the jackpot, our girlfriends would joke.

But things went downhill when Narges got that job—and turned downright ugly when she filed for divorce.

A new Amir emerged during the legal battle for the custody of their son. The custody, according to Iran’s law, belongs to the mother until age 7, to the father until age 10, and after that, the child chooses. But regardless of who has custody, it’s the father who has full legal authority over the child.

“It shocked me to see him resorting to the very codes of religion and patriarchy that he derided as reactionary and stupid,” Narges says. “He used to tell me about his struggles to rid himself of male privilege in Iran. And I believed him. I still think he was sincere when he said it.”

But when it mattered most, the principles vanished and the hardwiring took over.

“The law gave him power and he used it,” Narges says bitterly, blaming the law even more than her ex. “It takes an extraordinary character and restraint to not use your weapon because you believe it would be unfair.”

Amir argued in court that the demands of Narges’ job made her unfit to care for their child. He even banned the child from leaving the country when she wanted to go to Istanbul for a few days. She hit wall after wall as he deployed every legal advantage available to him.

“I thought I knew all about male privilege under Islamic Republic. But there was more, much more,” Narges says, trying not to tear up. “I knew, for instance, that a mother cannot open a bank account for her child without the father’s permission. But I never imagined I’d be told at the school to ‘fetch the dad’ to get my son’s end-year scores.”

Such stories abound, compelling many women with young children to stay in unhappy marriages. But some choose to take the bumpy road out. And their number is rising.

As Iran’s officialdom calls the rise in divorces a great shame, women like Narges—bruised as they are from their experience—see in it something positive.

“I’m not saying divorce is all good and great,” Narges says when I tell her that it is ultimately a breakdown of a contract that was supposed to last a lifetime. “You cannot deny that what we see in Iran is partly a result and a sign of women being more empowered,” she adds.

Divorce, Narges and many others argue, has to be viewed as a choice, even an opportunity, not a mere social failure.

I cannot say I fully agree with her, but I see her point. We have a crude expression in Persian that says “a woman enters her man’s house in white and leaves it in white,” the latter referring to the shroud in which Muslims wrap their dead.

“I left in sage green,” Narges chuckles.

The demonstration began early in the morning and was attended by former political prisoners and human rights activists, including filmmaker Jafar Panahi and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Narges Mohammadi who appeared without wearing the mandatory hijab in defiance of the country's strict dress laws.

Protesters held placards reading "No to execution," "Immediate repeal of death sentences," and "Political prisoners must be freed."

Participants displayed images of political prisoners sentenced to death, demanding the cancellation of their executions and their unconditional release.

On Monday, France-based rights group Kurdistan Human Rights Network (KHRN) reported that a protestor detained during Iran's Woman Life Freedom uprising, sparked by the death in custody of Mahsa Amini over an alleged hijab law violation, was sentenced to death.

Last month, US-based rights group HRANA, at least 54 political prisoners are currently facing execution across various prisons in Iran.

Iran has faced increasing international criticism for its widespread use of the death penalty, especially against political prisoners and activists.

The United Nations human rights office reported in January that Iran in 2024 executed 901 people, including 31 women, marking record highs.

“Negotiation with the US is not prohibited but has proven irrational and damaging,” the committee said, referencing past engagements with Washington.

It pointed to the 2015 nuclear deal, or JCPOA, as an example, listing extensive commitments Iran undertook—ranging from reducing enriched uranium stockpiles to converting nuclear facilities—while saying the US failed to deliver on sanctions relief.

Instead, sanctions increased, culminating in the Trump administration’s withdrawal from the deal in 2018, the statement added.

The commission said that engaging with the US has eroded trust, citing recent sanctions for Iran's support of regional militant groups, domestic human rights abuses and support for Russia's war on Ukraine.

They described the US as a “hostile and arrogant regime.” A member of the commission said, “Negotiating with such entities brings no rational benefits; it only deepens the damage.”

It echoes the messaging from the country's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, who, during a recent Friday address, said, “Negotiations with the United States have no impact on solving the country’s problems.”

His remarks come as divisions emerge among Iranian officials regarding potential talks on a new nuclear agreement. While some figures, like President Masoud Pezeshkian, have expressed openness to renewed discussions, Khamenei dismissed the idea, emphasizing self-reliance over external agreements.

Iran’s economy has suffered significant setbacks since the reinstatement of US sanctions in 2018. The national currency has devalued by 95%, inflation has remained at around 40% for five years, and over a third of the population now lives below the poverty line.

However, the committee stressed that these challenges should be addressed by fostering domestic production and strengthening ties with regional allies, rather than pursuing dialogue with an “untrustworthy adversary.”

Oman's chief of staff, Abdullah bin Khamis Al Raisi, arrived in Tehran on Monday at the invitation of his Iranian counterpart, Mohammad Bagheri.

Iranian state media said during the visit, Al Raisi is expected to tour an exhibition of Iran's military capabilities and meet with senior Iranian military commanders.

Last week, Iran's IRGC navy chief announced there will be ongoing drills with other countries neighboring Iran such as Oman.

"We have had engagements with Oman's navy in this regard and have participated in joint drills with Oman," he said.

Oman has been a key ally to Tehran, one of the players helping to mediate a rapprochement with Saudi Arabia which resumed diplomatic ties with Iran in 2023 after a seven year blackout.

"Iran is very concerned. Iran is very frightened, to be honest with you, because their defense is pretty much gone," Trump told Fox News.

He was apparently referring to Israel's October attacks on Iran which, according to US officials, knocked out the country's last three Russian-provided S-300 air defense missile systems.

"Maybe they are trying to get new defense as we speak but their defense is largely gone... Iran is very nervous. I think they're scared. I think Iran would love to make a deal and I would love to make a deal with them without bombing them," Trump added.

Israeli officials have repeatedly raised the possibility of military action against Iran’s nuclear program, but Trump has insisted that he hopes a deal over Iran's nuclear program would make it so that the United States did not have to support an Israeli attack on Iran.

"Everybody thinks Israel with our help or our approval will go in and bomb the hell out of them," Trump said Monday, stressing that Israel would need the US support for such a strike.

"I would prefer that not happen. I'd much rather see a deal with Iran where we can do a deal, supervise, check it, inspect it."

Earlier he had said that any reports the United States and Israel would work together on a devastating military attack on Iran were overblown.

"I want Iran to be a great and successful Country, but one that cannot have a Nuclear Weapon. Reports that the United States, working in conjunction with Israel, is going to blow Iran into smithereens,” ARE GREATLY EXAGGERATED," Trump said on February 5.

'Iran is very militant'

Trump has long opposed foreign wars but has adopted a hard line on Iran, beefing up sanctions on its oil exports in his first term and pulling out of an international deal on Tehran's disputed nuclear program, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA).

"That was the dumbest" deal, Trump said. "And by the way, that would have expired by now. That was a road to a nuclear weapon. It was a short-term deal. You can't make a deal with just a few years on it."

Trump was referring to the so-called sunset clauses of the 2015 nuclear deal which, according to him, would enable Iran to pursue nuclear weapons in the future.

"They would have a legal right to have a nuclear weapon. You cannot allow Iran or just about anybody else by the way but especially Iran because they are very, very militant. You can't allow them to have a nuclear weapon," he told Fox News.

Trump said there are two ways to stop Tehran from developing a nuclear weapon: "With bombs or with a written piece of paper. And I'd much rather do a deal that's not going to hurt them. And I think they want it too."

Iran has denied seeking a nuclear weapon, but Israel has long contended that a bomb in the hands of its arch-enemy poses an existential threat.